The vast majority of the Philippine pen pals are quite sincere in wanting to meet a gentleman from overseas to be their friend or lifetime partner. Like all women, they primarily are looking for a man to provide a secure "nest" for them. In that many come from a lower socio-economic class, finding a suitable partner may be difficult for them. Therefore, Western gentlemen are viewed not only as a little taller and sometimes more handsome (opposites tend to attract), but as being pre-qualified financially to provide a home and raise a family.

Filipina ladies are generally the best Asian pen pals in terms of writing to ladies that are marriage minded without alterior motives. Furthermore, most speak English and are Christians. Even ladies living in near by Asian countries seeking American and Western pen friends are often Filipinas. Furthermore, Filipinas often marry other Asians such as Japanese men who often look to marry Filipinas.

With our select small lists, you get to see the ladies own words in their own handwriting. We believe you will find this permits you to be more selective than otherwise possible. Photographs should NOT be a major factor in making your selection! Although the photo lists require the lady send us a photo, they often send the worst one they have. The difference between the photos and what a lady looks like in real life can be remarkable; for better or worse. If one's looks are important to you, ask the lady to send you additional photos.

Ladies will usually reply only to the first handful of men they are interested in. Because some ladies will publish elsewhere, anticipate some rejection. Be flexible. You should also anticipate that a lady's friend may reply to your letter.

We suggest you avoid making promises or demands; especially at first. We think you would not like to have these things placed on you either. Please realise it is best to take things lightly. Although we try to screen out what appears to be gold-diggers or scam artists, it's very hard for us to know who really is. So, we suggest you only send her Philippine postage stamps so she can return mail to you (a peso is like a dollar there and it costs 8 pesos to mail you a reply). Note: we sell these stamps for your convenience. We caution against sending cash (and your letters to her may be opened henceforth and never even get to her if you do send cash). Also, if you suddenly get approached with "news" that she needs money; we suggest you seriously evaluate the situation first. Remember, most of the ladies are truly sincere, and many do come from poor families that may have real financial needs. However, there are some scam artists out there too. You may wish to take a "let's meet first" approach to taking anything too seriously.

About Phone Calls. Most people in the Philippines do not have phones. However, collect calls can quickly get expensive. We suggest you arrange a time where you can call her (you should consider a discount international calling plan), perhaps at a friends house where they have a phone. We suggest you not give your phone number out until you are ready.

About Meeting Her: It's a long and expensive flight to the Philippines. You probably hope to meet several ladies at least, and you may feel cramped for time. Big name hotels are expensive, although suitable pension houses in smaller cities are usually safe and reasonable. It is natural to want to meet ladies like a job interview with scheduled appointments at your hotel (and since you're the one making the biggest sacrifices to make it all possible this only seems fair to you). But, those who have hoped this "scheduled interview" approach would work are usually very disappointed or inadvertently select the type of lady they may have been hoping to avoid. Keep in mind that the ladies often live in far away provinces. For social and financial reasons they often can't travel to see you, and don't want to feel "cheap" and meet you like an "interview".

You should plan to meet your pen-pal at a neutral location, such as the airport or obvious landmark she suggests before you arrive (have alternate contact plans also arranged in the event of unforeseen delays and note that "telegrams" can take several days to arrive). Few will meet you at a fancy hotel (and some hotels can make it difficult for a Filipina to enter the hotel). We suggest you dress casually and for warm weather (sunscreen and sunglasses are a must). Expect her friends and/or family to meet you and that she will probably have a chaperone during your initial visits as proper etiquette. Although the vast majority of ladies are sincere, and their families hospitable, a few could have alterior motives. We found the Visayas just as safe as Luzon; but we suggest you check current travel advisories before your departure.

It is also possible that you may meet a lady in the Philippines; and it helps to have someone introduce you to a lady of your interest, but it's not always necessary. There are even some "taxi" services catering to foreigners (some of which plan tours from abroad), specifically to meet ladies living in cities such as Cebu. However, we believe this is a rather socially unacceptable introduction process for most ladies living in the Philippines.

Philippine Dating Customs: Dating in the Philippines and Asia is different than it is here. For example, the Filipina term "boyfriend" does not imply a serious relationship as is does here. A chaste and pure lady might say she has a boyfriend. Also, a lady may say she had a "lover" (but that does not mean a lady has had intimate relations, just that he was her "steady"). So, if you are still meeting other ladies, or look like you might in view of your itinerary, make sure you are just her boyfriend and not her steady. If you are really serious about her, you need to ask her (and/or her parents) to be her steady. Until you do this, she will not really get close to you.

If you are just looking for a good-time or casual sexual relationships, there are "tourist" spots with "working girls" that accommodate that trade (actually very few Filipinas are "working girls"). There are also local spots where non-tourists go for these services. However, good girls don't do casual dating like some ladies do here. Few sincere ladies are quick to have intimate relations without imminent marriage. Do not confuse sincere ladies with "working girls".

You should contact the Immigration & Naturalization Service (INS), your attorney, or your Congressional Representative for the latest information and forms as applies to your case. However, generally speaking, if you are interested in marrying a lady from overseas you will probably need to petition her either as a fiancee or spouse.

The fiancee process is, perhaps, less problematic. First, you do not need to get a form (available from the US Embassy in the Philippines) permitting you to marry in the Philippines. Second, if there were any problems with the immigration petition, these could be addressed before you have entered into marriage (in the Philippines there is virtually no divorce allowed). Finally, it gives you time to get married in the USA; time to get to know each other better!

Note: We have heard of men with low incomes having problems bringing their spouse or fiancee to the USA. Furthermore, the ladies have to go through a physical and interview, usually in Manila, which can add time and expense. These potential problems can be especially frustrating if you are already married and looking for a second honeymoon to take place as soon as possible.

However, some ladies just won't accept the fiancee process. They want to be married in their home land and the wedding ceremonies there can be quite elaborate and something you may not wish to miss out on. If the lady, and you, are confident of your ability to meet immigration requirements, you can work on arranging your paper work somewhat in advance so that the process will be less disconcerting. Again, you will need a form permitting you to marry in the Philippines (a Philippine requirement). You will need to give your spouse moneys to take a physical and interview in Manila, including transportation and hotel expenses for her. Finally, she will need money for an airline ticket to the USA.

PHILIPPINE PHRASES (Tagalog, national language):

 You don't need to know their language but a few words mentioned in your letter could be nice.

How are you: Kumusta ka?
Thank you: Salamat po.
I love you: Mahal kita.
I like you: Gusto kita.
You look pretty: Maganda ikaw.
Hope you will write me: Sana masulatan mo ako.

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